The day I watched as my 14-year-old son drive a water vehicle out of sight with my 13-year-old daughter on the back, something suddenly occurred to me while I was crying my eyes out. The two hardest days of parenting are the day they take your life away and the day they give it back. Seriously, I had just gotten use to not being able to go to the bathroom with the door shut and then they didn’t come in to find me anymore! Now that they are a very near the end of first semester already Senior and Junior I liken this cruel process to being the CEO of a large corporation. Not just any CEO mind you, a CEO that was born wanting to be the CEO. I have mothered every child I’ve come in contact with since I was old enough to be older than another child. I would turn down dates to babysit. I eventually got my Ph.D. in parenting (really developmental and child psychology) for goodness sake.
When I was 29 years old, I finally attained my CEO position with my first child, my son Nash. Eighteen months later, a daughter, Alden, better known as Allie. The company mission: to civilize the uncivilized. Profit margins were exponential. I have been a great CEO in my dream job. Notice, I said great, not perfect. I have awesome, talented kids just like everyone else on Facebook. Now, I have been told than in nine short months my job as CEO will start to be phased out and I will be moved to the board. I need to find something else to keep me busy. Although they value my opinion again after a 3 year hiatus called adolescence, wisdom will be my only role from now on.
I hate it. I am thankful they are so capable, but it is actually kind of pathetic how I jump, now, at any chance to just be a mom. Do you want me to make you a sandwich, pick you up, wash something quick to save the day, pick up toiletries for you on my way home, help you wake up in the morning? My future daughter and son-in-law will hate me because I’ve undone in a year what I spent 17 trying to do. Teach them self sufficiency. All because I am leaving my CEO position kicking and screaming.
My mother sits on the board, too. As she was leaving my house after a recent visit I was complaining about losing my CEO position. “It’s not that bad” she said on the way out the door. What? Her one statement brought my whole childhood into question! She sounded like she actually likes not having kids around anymore. Since I would be one of those kids that it’s not so bad not being around on a minute by minute basis, I seriously wonder if her best interests lie with another corporate entity. How could she think my kids leaving home is not the worst direction this corporation could go? Maybe this is why we are known as the first generation of helicopter parents.
So, even though I would rather keep my CEO position, I will have to settle for the board. I am thankful that I don’t have to leave completely. I am now grooming myself for a new position. Rockin grandma. It grosses my kids out when I say it, but when I declared to my daughter that I was going to be an awesome grandma (in at least 10 years!) she proudly said, “Yes, you will be.” That’s all any CEO ever wants to hear.